I feel like surviving yesterday warranted a relatively quick update for everyone. So day one of chemo/immuno therapy went about as smoothly as i can imagine it would. My appointment started at 7:30 where i went directly into the lab for blood work. My anxiety was through the roof because i knew they would be ripping off the bandaging and accessing my port that was put in only a few days prior. To preface i could not even rub the bandage or go without a bra due to the port site being so painful still. I iced on the way there and took Tylenol at home to try and take the edge off. On Tuesday during chemo class we had talked about numbing cream, i was told that if it was prescription it would be ready with my other meds for pickup that day. No cream so my understanding was that it would be available for me that day on hand at the cancer center... i was wrong. I told the woman in the lab that i was very nervous about the removal of my bandage due to the level of sensitivity and pain, i will admit there did not seem to be much compassion for my predicament. The bandage was quite roughly ripped off, i had silent tears rolling down my cheeks.. and people i am NOT a crier. Without skipping a beat the lab tech goes to start scrubbing the area, i asked for a couple of moments to compose myself much to her irritation. I asked for numbing cream and was told i would need to get it elsewhere and that it should have been applied and hour before arriving. I was so upset that on the visit i needed the pain relief most i was left hanging by my medical team. She scrubbed and scrubbed the area, grabbed the port... the entire time i am full body cringing away from her. The IV was put in, and blood drawn, she put a sticker over the site to hold the IV in place in the port and sent me on my way. If i had not taken my anxiety med i would have zero doubt that i would have passed out. I was just so disappointed, this woman could clearly see the level of terror i was feeling and held no compassion, i was not even offered a tissue. As i am on my way out the door i get called back, apparently i also needed a urine sample so i just took the cup with me for later and left.
I met Tyler in the waiting room and told him about what had happened, i was just honestly a bit shell shocked. I am not one to cry, be dramatic or show any weakness and i had just crumbled in that lab chair. We went downstairs to wait to be called in to meet with my oncologist, we reviewed the plan for the day, had a quick exam and spoke about ultrasounds i had completed on Tuesday in follow up to the additional masses that were found via the MRI in Boston. I had left the ultrasound feeling like i had nothing to worry about but it was sounding like a trip to Boston and the dreaded biopsy process was still going to happen. I opted for the ovary/egg preserving shot that essentially places your ovaries into a hibernation like state to better protect them from the chemo drugs. Here i am thinking no problem they will use my port, boy was i wrong... several minutes later and a gigantic needle in my bum and i was done. After checking my vitals we were brought to our cubicle that had a nice garden view, there is a bench for Tyler and a small TV. I have a reclining heated massage chair, although relaxing in this setting is definitely not in the cards for me i was still grateful.
To start i was hooked up to normal fluids and given a small cup of pre-chemo pills including steroids and anti-nausea meds etc. We started with Keytruda the immuno therapy, luckily that was the only drug i could taste while it was being administered. Having the port was already a relief despite my ordeal, so for that i am thankful. I took the 1st chemo med with no issues and seemingly tolerated it fine. The 2nd chemo medication was fine at first until out of the blue a pounding headache and severe burning and pressure in my face and sinuses started. I pressed my button and they immediately stopped the med to allow my body a few minutes to adjust. I was told that this was a common side effect and they would slow down the administration of the drug. After that i was seemingly fine, we waited for me to finish my bag of fluids and i was introduced to my Neulasta OnPro. The nurse applied the devise to my stomach i stood there on pins and needles waiting for it to insert the needle, it definitely felt like getting snapped really hard with a rubber band. With my port and onpro in tow i felt like i was slowly turning into a bionic lady, but i left feeling okay and had positive thoughts.
We got home and i was feeling exhausted, i decided to go to bed to nap off some of the effects of the chemo drugs and stayed there until after 6pm. When i got up i had some mild stomach cramping and took one of my anti-nausea meds. Otherwise i felt okay just really tired, i of course decided i wanted toast at 8:30pm so off Tyler went to the store to get me wheat bread! I was able to eat the toast and felt okay, i took another anti-nausea med before bed just to be safe. I wish i could say i slept well but the night was full of tossing and turning and many trips to the bathroom due to all the fluids i had been given.
I gave up on sleep at 7:30 am this morning and went out to the couch to relax in the morning sun while Tyler tried to get a little more sleep. I was feeling pretty normal, no aches or pains, no sickness... i remained in this heightened state of paranoia all day just waiting for the ball to drop. Trying to get ready and wash up is laughable right now, my port bandages cannot get wet and neither could my Onpro so i was a comical sight washing my hair and body out of the sink this morning. But hey when there is a will there is a way, if anyone took issue with my prickly cactus legs today they might have had a fight on their hands LOL. I was able to run to my friends shop and set up merch, run errands, re-potted succulents, went to the pharmacy, tanning, and even plucked a few weeds out of my flowers. I tried to shoot a few hoops but my port said no fairly quickly. So far today i have only taken Tylenol to manage symptoms and i am beyond grateful.
My Onpro started injecting at 3:25 pm today and much to my dismay it clicks the ENTIRE 45 mins it is injecting. I was standing in line at the pharmacy loudly clicking the entire time! The tape was the worst part about removal, upon further inspection i realize this is due to the fact that i apparently have a baboon hairy belly! HAH! My aunt Jess dropped off a delicious meal for Tyler and i, despite not having any appetite today i did drink a protein shake and eat several meatballs and veggies so that can go in the win column. I am still feeling pretty good but trying to stay realistic with my expectations. I know the Onpro injection causes bone pain, and that many of my side effects for chemo will kick in going into my 3rd day as the IV meds wear off. I am just going to try and be as proactive as possible with my meds and stay positive, i think mindset is half of the battle if you start your day feeling sorry for yourself the symptoms are sure to follow. I did my best to stay busy, my face has been red and flushed all day which is a normal side effect. I look like i got a nice burn in the sun! Overall i am thankful for being graced with a relatively normal day in an existence that is everything but normal for me right now.
I forgot to mention that during lunch time today i was on the phone for over an hour getting transferred several times in regards to whether or not i still needed biopsies in Boston following my ultrasound findings. I could not get an answer on the phone but was able to track down my results in my patient portal which clearly stated i would indeed be going to Boston next Thursday to endure THREE additional biopsies. I could see that my surgeon was sent the results today and at 5:30 pm she called to talk things over with me. I am stressed that i could have potential cancer in other locations in my left breast as well as my right breast. The right breast quite clearly looks to be a benign fibroid but it will still be biopsied to be sure. There are a few additional small masses very close to my tumor that will be left alone due to the prominently but there were also two other 1 cm masses found in other locations in my left breast that need to be biopsied and marked. At this point i feel like a pin needle cushion, i do not remember the last time i was comfortable. But none of this stops me from being determined to make the most of this journey and come out better than i was before.
Keeping the faith,
Meg
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